The low cost of letting go
Making mistakes can be seen as a cost benefit deal: where something we paid for in the past can bring us benefits now.
Some months ago, stepping out of the car, I dropped my phone and the glass on the back cracked into a spiderweb of ugliness. It was just over a year old and it bothered me every time to see the damage after that.
Tonight, I dropped my phone again. This time off the edge of the bath and it hit the hard-tiled floor of the bathroom. Comfortable in the warm soapy water, I thought, “If the phone is broken, I don’t really mind. Why? I think it’s a cost benefit thing: it was a bit damaged anyway and I’ve had great use out of it.”
When touring, I’ve used it to talk to my family, to book hotels, to order food, to take photographs, to watch videos, listen to music and to find my way through exciting places. In fact, without the phone I’m not sure I would have seen that sunset, met that fascinating person, or climbed that hill. So many benefits from such a small box. And I realize what good value these phones really are. I reckon that what I paid for the phone gave itself back in life experiences handsomely. I can let it go and not be bitter.
Instead of feeling guilty, we can feel good about our mistakes.
Letting go of negative experiences from the past often seems much more difficult but I’m not sure it needs to be. After all, letting go can also be seen as a cost benefit deal: where something we paid for in the past can bring us benefits now. Sometimes, we remember mistakes we’ve made with feelings of guilt. But that is not really helpful, and most likely not healthy either. If we can forgive our self for past mistakes, and learn from them, then we can gain wisdom. If we treasure what we have gained from the past, regardless of whether it was, back then, costly, then, like the mobile phone, it has been a worthwhile investment. So instead of feeling guilty, we can feel good about our mistakes.
Is it the same with others who have made mistakes against me? If I can forgive my past self and benefit today, can I do the same with others? In theory at least, the answer must be “yes.” I too have gained from their mistakes. Yes, they may have behaved badly towards me and hurt me. But that is in the past. Can I choose now to keep just the benefits? By letting go of the negative thoughts about what they did to me the answer does become “yes.”
If we can enjoy the benefits today and ‘let go of’ or ‘write off’ or ‘forgive’ the pain of the past then those experiences really do become good investments.
But how can you know that you have let go? Well, when I think about that particular event, instead of a bitterness about the past there is a feeling of peace in the present and hope for the future.
I get that now looking at my old battered phone. I guess I’m ready to invest in something new.
